Difficulty moving service

I have had a business account with Comcast since 2012. I just finished moving to a new location. Every other utility transferred seamlessly, but with Comcast, it has, not surprisingly, been Mission: Impossible.

Anticipating this move, I placed a move order with Comcast last Wednesday, March 26th. Perhaps I should have done so earlier, but usually, a week is ample notice to move service. I was told by my sales representative that someone would call me to schedule installation within 48 hours.

After signing the contract, the representative informed me via email that I needed to supply a copy of my "lease" and electric utility welcome letter. The purpose of this was allegedly to prove to Comcast that I was not affiliated with the previous owners, who apparently have an unpaid cable bill. The fact that I've been a Comcast customer for well over a year at a different location didn't seem to matter.

I informed the representative that there was no lease as I purchased this property; however, I sent him a copy of my FPL welcome letter and my HUD-1. The representative emailed me to let me know he had submitted the order and that I would hear from the "scheduling department" within 48 hours.

48 hours later, I hadn't. 96 hours, I still hadn't. I guess they don't work on weekends. I did try to follow up with my representative on Friday of last week and Monday of this week, but I have been unable to get him on the phone or get a callback. I did get responses by email, one indicating that I would hear back by the 31st (I did not) and another indicating that the Collections department had to release my address for service before an install could be scheduled. We're now approaching the end of day six, and I just got another email that their "system is down". Consequently, he can't even tell me if Collections has "cleared" my address or not. And still no call, past 4PM on day six.

Finally, I asked if they could at least cancel service at my old location so that I wouldn't get billed for service I can no longer use. My lease was up March 31st, ie. Monday. I no longer have keys to that building, and I've disconnected the SMC gateway and taken it with me, so that I wouldn't somehow be liable for its cost at a later date. No dice, that wouldn't count as a move and I'd be liable for the early termination fee.

Keep in mind, I am fully paid on my Comcast account. Whatever this unpaid bill is, it belongs to people who NO LONGER OWN THE PROPERTY. And yet THEIR billing issue is now keeping me from operating my business.

I pay for a business account because I rely on the service to operate my consulting business. I do this even though it costs almost five times as much as comparable residential service. I have been completely unable to reach my representative by phone ever since I signed the contract. I only get responses via email, even when I explicitly request a callback so that we can discuss these problems.

Six days later, nobody has called me to schedule an installation. I'm left feeling like Comcast is the cable company from South Park, who feels no need to provide good service (or indeed any service whatsoever) because you know your customers have nowhere else to turn.

On top of all  the other problems with Comcast, this is really taking a toll. What problems, you ask?

* Installs that don't work, only to be blamed and told that the problem is "my equipment" ("my equipment" at the time was a Comcast field technician and his laptop; the ACTUAL problem turned out to be a provisioning error. But I had to threaten to cancel before the representative would even consent to double-checking the provisioning.)

* Speeds that mysteriously drop to half of what is promised, only to be magically restored to what they should be once you've gotten past the ordeal of calling customer service

* Outages in their cable plant that they still try to charge me $99 to fix (and that it takes two months to get refunded once they admit their error)

* Being denied speed upgrades that are automatic for residential customers; as a business customer, my speed apparently gets locked for the duration of my contract

* Being told that I can't have IPv6 because I'm a business customer, even though business customers are more likely to need this

* Being denied bundle discounts on personal cable because business and personal service can't be bundled (I'm sure the combination of a business Internet connection and Xfinity residential cable is quite common, but Comcast knows business customers have a higher pain threshold and therefore tries to milk us that little bit more)

It's not hard to see why Comcast got rated the second worst company in the United States for customer service (the only one worse was Bank of America). But, as Comcast knows all-too-well, I have NO CHOICE. AT&T Uverse is not yet available in my area. Uverse is technically inferior, and I hadn't even considered it until this latest ordeal reminded me of how positively byzantine Comcast is. But the point is moot -- I can't get it yet. I can get satellite, but that has unacceptable latency. I could rely on LTE, but LTE providers either have bandwidth caps, poor coverage in my area, or both. FTTH (a la Google Fiber) is nowhere to be seen. I suppose the "competition" available to me is a DSL line that would've been considered fast in 1995.

I apologize if this turned into a rant. I'm ranting because I'm frustrated that, even when I offer them $130+ USD per month (exactly how much remains to be seen, since not even Comcast's own employees can tell me how much my fees and surcharges will add up to at the new location), Comcast can't even do something as simple as moving an existing service to a new location without putting their customers through the wringer.